You start every diss with “no offense"
But I’m no defense, all offense
They say, “Pick a side," but you can’t decide
We should call you Miss Eliza Pence
Your whole life’s a fence
Saturday, September 29, 2018
Thursday, August 30, 2018
1.) Apple : Fruit :: Horse : _______
The SAT now:
Instructions: Give the College Board all your parents' money. Open your answer packet, write in your answer in those tiny boxes in the separate examination packet, then bubble in the numbers you wrote. No calculators are allowed for this section. We don't care about seeing your work. You have thirty seconds.
1.) Regulation holes are the depth and width of a six-foot shovel. Alice can dig five regulation holes in sixteen minutes. Bob can dig nine holes in twenty minutes, but after an hour he gets tired and can only dig seven holes in twenty minutes. Eve can fill in nine holes in eight minutes. Alice and Bob arrive at 12 noon and begin working. If Eve arrives at 1:42 PM, what volume of land (in square meters) has been dug at 2:17 PM? Assume the holes are perfectly cylindrical.
Friday, August 3, 2018
1. Put a chart or map at the beginning of the book. Nerds love that stuff. Make the font too small or too curly to read.
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Guitar Guy would stand outside in the college campus courtyard, strumming the same chord for eight minutes while singing painfully off-key. Supposedly, he was practicing to woo the lady of his dreams.
Unbeknownst to him, Athena Rosalind Daly had already overheard him. In fact, the entire building could hear him. But Athena Rosalind had it the worst, as she was cursed with perfect pitch. She had been less than impressed.
He strummed incessant quarter notes on an A major chord that was about forty cents flat. Without changing the tuning or tempo, he made up the lyrics as he went. His voice occasionally cracked.
The buildings seemed to recoil.
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
There's a milkman passing by the store
He delivers dairy daily, as long as it's homogenized
There's a milkman waiting at your door
He wants to say howdy, but afraid he'll be chastised
Dropping off milk that has been pasteurized
Sees you by the window, he's mesmerized
He wants to say hello, but afraid he'll be despised
Let the bovine moo
Let the cattle chew
He wants to say "how d'ya do"
There's a milkman driving back home
Scenic route shows some sea foam, he feels so alone
There's a milkman sitting on the floor
He's staring at the ceiling, wondering what you're feeling
What the children say
Watch the children play
They all can say "how's ya day"
He knows it's pasteurized
He knows it's homogenized